Morning Running Log | Week 3
Week 3 of Morning Running — Why Can't I Just Go to Bed?
At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I tell myself "just five more minutes" — and the moment I close my eyes, I'm out cold.
If only it worked the other way around.
Out of roughly 20 days, I missed 4 mornings. Changing a habit is harder than I thought.
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I. Week 3 — Still Feels Like Day One
Morning runs still don't feel natural. Getting out of bed is a battle, and once I'm out there, it feels more like a shuffle than a run — nothing like the energy I have in the evenings. And then I'm exhausted for the rest of the day.
The one good thing: the quiet pride of keeping a promise to myself. But how long can I keep going like this?
"Time to get my act together."
That's the real reason behind all of this. After fifty-something years, I finally understood it in my bones: words don't change anything. Only action does.
So every morning, I drag myself out of bed and go.
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II. Why Do I Still Feel Like It's Day One After Three Weeks?
Every Saturday, our running club meets for a group run. I'd gone to bed at 2 AM on Friday. Still made it to the 6 AM meetup — barely.
"How long have you been out here?"
"Started just before 5, I think."
"That early? I'm still struggling with morning runs after three weeks…"
"You just have to sleep earlier. That's it. On easy days I'm in bed by 7, up by 3."
"I can't seem to make that work."
That Sunday, I didn't get up. Slept in until 10, then napped again for two hours in the afternoon. My body was clearly catching up on a week's worth of lost sleep.
I moved my wake-up time earlier —
but never moved my bedtime.
Less total sleep meant my body wasn't adapting — it was just accumulating debt. And every Sunday, it cashed in.
After three weeks, I finally understood: the morning problem was actually an evening problem all along.
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III. An Honest Assessment
The way things are going, I don't think I can keep this up. I can force myself out of bed — for now. But if I'm still running on empty after three weeks, my body will eventually quit. And so will my willpower.
So I shifted the goal.
Instead of "wake up earlier" —
"be in bed by 9:30 PM" comes first.
I didn't fail at waking up early. I failed at going to bed earlier. I had the order wrong.
If I want to actually follow through on "getting my act together," I need to fix the sequence first.
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IV. So Why Is It So Hard to Just Go to Bed?
The day is done. Dinner's finished. I've showered. All I have to do is lie down and sleep. So why is it still so hard?
I got curious enough to look it up. Turns out, psychology has a name for it.
Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
— a term from sleep psychology research
The tendency to delay sleep in order to reclaim personal time — especially among people who feel they have little control over their daytime hours.
That description hit close to home. Three reasons stood out.
1. Reclaiming Autonomy
After a day of obligations — work, family, responsibilities — staying up late feels like a small act of rebellion. A way to take back something that was taken from you.
Some nights I'm not even worried about anything. I just don't want to go to sleep. Like surrendering the last piece of time that's truly mine.
2. The Dopamine Trap
One short video. One more scroll. Each one delivers an instant hit of dopamine — and that immediate reward easily beats the abstract promise of feeling rested tomorrow. It's not a willpower problem. It's how the brain's reward system works.
Some nights it's a drink. Some nights it's the phone. Either way, I'm paying for it at 5:30 AM.
3. Rumination
Lying down doesn't mean the mind follows. Unfinished tasks, tomorrow's worries — they surface the moment everything goes quiet. And reaching for the phone feels like relief.
Even on nights when nothing's really wrong, sleep doesn't come. I've come to see it all as the same thing: a reward I feel owed after a long day.
An hour or two drained away every weeknight. Three or four hours gone on Friday and Saturday nights — "earned" after a hard week.
Every sleep study seems to agree on one thing: don't try to strengthen your willpower. Change your environment and your structure.
| Why I can't sleep early |
What to change instead |
| Phone is on the nightstand |
Buy an alarm clock. Phone stays in another room. |
| Nighttime feels like the only "me time" |
Build 30 intentional minutes of personal time into the evening. |
| Shorts and YouTube dopamine loop |
Don't try to resist — reduce access instead. |
| Mind won't quiet down in bed |
Build a short pre-sleep routine to signal "it's time." |
| "Just a little longer" rationalization |
Fix the bedtime. No exceptions. |
It all makes sense now. Before I could fix my mornings, I needed to fix my evenings. I had the sequence backwards.
The reward I've been grabbing at night — I'll let it wait. The real reward comes years from now, when I look back and see that my life actually changed.
